Memories…

6 Jun

♪…light the corners of my mind, misty watercolor memories…of the way we were…♪

What are they? Why can’t we remember? …and how can we forget? We store our lives in this organic and unstable “hard drive” we call a brain. With the passage of time, the amount of data that can be replayed slowly diminishes and we’re left with simple, random, sometimes useless, short episodes of our past years. Even if you may have led a life with a considerable amount of accomplishments and fun, you can’t remember it all… and if you can’t remember, it never existed, unless, of course, there’s someone or something to remind you (friends, family, strangers, photo albums, diaries, objects, pets, a heart-shaped carving on an old oak tree with the names of those two special people in its middle portrayed as a simple math excercise… and so on)…but we don’t always have that luxury. I’m talking, of course, from my current situation. A wandering amensiac who hasn’t encountered a single soul on his, apparently, neverending path of (re)discovery. I still have no clue as to what happened before I woke up, …just…fragments, people’s faces over my head…white all around…then blank. I trust time will unravel this mystery once and for all, but God knows how long it will take…or maybe is it best that I don’t remember at all? Certain aspects of our lives aren’t even meant to be lived, let alone remembered. They have the power to shift the balance of mental stability in the worst way possible. Yeah, it’s that fucked up. Imagine someone repressing rape, parental murder, beatings, mercyless mockery…every unholy crap you could think of, all bundled up in a mental scrotum by a two-bit psychiatrist. You go on living your life unaware of a single unfortunate event that happened during your childhood…until…a trigger. Something, anything that can cause a brief flashback that acts like the sharpest needle poking at that bloated sack of repressed crap is all it takes to open Pandora’s Box as it begins to take over the sanity you’ve reacquired over the last years that no amount of willpower can overcome.

So what if I don’t want to remember? What if that fucked up shit is bottled up inside MY goddamn head?! I don’t know…and I don’t want to know! …But, as time progresses, it seems I’ll find out eventually, one day, hopefully when I’ll be ready. One of those memories must lead the way back to her… If I get screwed up in the process, fuck it. It’s a risk I have to take. And i’m affraid.

 

Riverburn, signing off.

Subconscious Reality

17 Feb

I had second thoughts about sharing this, you might think I’m going crazy, well…maybe I am, but since there’s no one here for a second opinion, I can’t tell for sure. I’ve been traveling for some time now…spending most of my nights under the starry sky. Lately, I’ve been finding buildings that are, at least, half intact. I use them to take shelter from the rain. Right now I’m writing from, what I can tell, used to be an office building…but the thing is…i have no idea how I got here. I know I spent the night in a tent…and had this weird…dream.

I found myself in a place I can’t quite figure out what it was exactly, seemed like some sort of big village…or a small city with the simplistic architecture of a village. An interesting thing I’ve noticed right from the start was the fact that it was a very multicultural town. I saw chinese, african, indian people…and that’s to say the least, the rest looked pretty much european to me. Everything seemed to be modern and high tech  not in a “robots massage our feet” kinda way, but…how should I put this…they’ve somehow managed to combine technology with biology, a harmonious bond between science and nature. And no, they didn’t have flying cars. Not because they did not possess the technology for it, but because every town (yes, there were more) could choose what type of means of transportation they want to use…”lucky” me for finding the one that had to go retro (something about birds getting caught in the engines due to heavy migration in the area…). During my brief stay there, few things really caught my eye.

One of those was an in-ear automatic translating device that I had to use. Why? Because everybody was speaking in their own damn native tongue! Hardly anyone knew how to speak english, for example, which is quite funny actually given the fact that it was such a widespread language back in the day…hmm…must’ve gotten bored with speaking it or something; nice trait we have…this boredom. Anyway, it was a nifty device, it didn’t have some cooky auto-tune robot voice doing the real-time translations, I don’t know what the devil it was but it sounded like their natural voices speaking a language I could actually understand for a change. This is how I was able to satisfy my curiosity as to why there are so many nationalities rolled up in one place. It had something to do with the fact that, at some point, when the wars were over, everybody was doing well, peace on earth and all that crap, the people of the world started having this feeling of separation and realized they were growing apart from eachother. Withouth having to worry about too many things anymore, they’ve finally freed themselves from the clutches of concerns, fears and prejudice that poluted their minds for  many centuries. The world was finally at peace and mankind started developing a large interest towards spirituality, self-evolution and love for their fellow “brothers” and “sisters” (that’s how they refer to eachother now). It had nothing to do with a certain type of religion, they mostly took whatever teachings they’ve found in every religion that best served their new found purpose in life. Everybody had smiles on their faces, everybody was happy like it was a natural state of mind and I envied them so much because that was the kind of place I would’ve loved to live in.

There was another thing that got my attention, but I don’t recall what it was exactly…something of small proportions, that much I can  tell you… doesn’t really matter anyway.

NOW…the one thing that had me gasping for air when I layed my eyes upon it, was this big…fucking…gynormous…gargantuan…tree. It had 10 or 11 levels connected through both exterior and interior stairs made out of wood and metal. They told me every town had one, planted using some special manufactured seeds. Its purpose was to be something equivalent to a town hall, even though they didn’t mention anything about a mayor of some sort. They did say something about the masters of the town being on the top level. This may be my imagination acting up because this part is a bit foggy to me, but I think they said something about…mages. I guess it would be plausible given the fact that they were so keen on developing their spiritual sides that some attained the ability to control the elements. It sounds stupid, I know…but what if it really was possible? I could’ve sworn I saw something glowing, like magic, up there. I can’t imagine what was happening, but my curiosity skyrocketed. Of course, I wasn’t permited access because I was an outsider, but I sure would’ve loved to see what was going on inside that tree. Anyway, that’s about all I can remember from that dream, though I have to say…it felt too real. But it couldn’t have been real…could it? I mean, that tree looked really familiar to me, I think I saw it in a shitty ass game I once played. Crap…I better snap out of it before I begin losing my mind. I think that can of tuna I had before turning in didn’t agree too well with my stomach…vivid dreams and sleepwalking must’ve been side-effects.

 

Riverburn, signing off.

What the hell!!!

24 Jan

I just noticed there were other entries in here! They’ve just appeared out of nowhere when i saw your last post! Goddamn fucking malfunctions!  I’ve been wandering aimlessly in search for survivers here, but so far you guys are the only proof of life I’ve come across. Does anybody know what the fuck happened?? I really don’t recall anything being said about wars or cataclysmic events, everything just suddenly…changed. Everytime I try to remember something about my life I get a massive headache, I start caughing up blood and losing limb control. All I’ve managed to recall was written in my last posts. I can’t even remember my own damn name, let alone the town I’m in. Since painkillers are next to none around here, I don’t want to strain myself too hard, I don’t know what’s going to happen, but I don’t wanna risk dying, not yet anyway. I’ll just calmly wait and hope everything will come back to me one day and maybe I can try and sort this out somehow, find out what happened and why I’m the only one here. I need to keep going now, search around for clues, try to figure things out, hopefully find at least one of you.

In the meantime…Eko, pio, John…i hope you aren’t just figments of my imagination.

Riverburn, signing off.

Eko Request back for a second

23 Jan

Hi everyone i’ve started a journey outside to see if i can find anyone alive, sorry for not replying in time but i didn’t had access to electronics. Now i’m in a mall that has a power supply that still works. It’s not based on the common basics of electricity i don’t know exactly how it works but i’m glad it does. I’ll spend some time here, maybe i can figure out the technical stuff. I will also upload some drawings that i did with the places i’ve been and the route i had, maybe start a little map that in time will cover more ground.

I’m glad more people are “tuning in” and hope you are all fine and at some point we will understand more about our present and past

Eko Request out

EverRusting Love

20 Jan

I really don’t know if anyone’s reading this, but it feels good to imagine it. We were supposed to depart at some point to another, more civilized country. The social and political disease that infected our own were too much to bear, so we planned to leave. Needless to say, that day never came. I still hold the hopes we’ve had back then, that we can escapte to someplace we could call our own and live our lives as intended. We shared a hightened sense of spiritual awakening through the most powerful energy… love. It didn’t take long for me to realize she would be an eternal companion through the deepness of the afterlife. ♪You may say I’m a dreamer, but I’m not the only one♪. As time goes by, i feel our dream slowly fading away, with each passing moment that i can’t find a single trace of her, my hopes start to gradually decompose. I never knew how alone i was until i met her, she means everything to me, she is the reason I don’t crawl up in some godforsaken hole and let my life end, that’s why i absolutely must find her! …But right now, i’ll settle for just about anyone in my path… Backpack on, headphones on, ♪life is an open road♪.

Riverburn, signing off.

To whom it may concern

19 Jan

I remember…i was at home, just another casual night playing some mediocre game I ripped off the Internet. I suddenly blacked out, woke up…God knows when…only to find nearly everything around me laid to waste and everybody missing. I have no idea what happened, but there were times i fantasised about something like this, the human race outliving its time on Earth and paying for the crimes they’ve commited against their own souls. Corrupt, shallow, a low sense of reason and morality…, idiots. A big fucking meteor would have done the trick…but no one was supposed to survive, not even me. My house was a wreck, amazingly enough i had only a few minor bruises. I managed, however, to find some useful things among the rubble: my backpack, a flashlight, cans of food, a Zippo, my cellular and its headphones. I couldn’t believe it was still intact, though it had a few scratches on the screen, it was still usable. “How is a cellphone useful after something that looks like the damn apocalypse?” you might ask. It keeps my sanity in check. Sure, there’s no signal, but at least it has the music i used to listen to back then. I use it to keep going, my only traveling companion,  helping me keep my chin up in times of loneliness and despair, a soundtrack of my new life if you will; the lyrics have become my new Bible. Sometimes I feel like I was meant to find those things, like they have been prepared by someone to aid me in my journey, because, at least up until this point, they’ve kept me alive…more or less. Despite all that happened, i can’t say i didn’t feel a slight sense of freedom and sovereignty over my life; no workplace, no obligations towards anyone, no debts, no one to wear a mask for…i am finally unshackled. I was lucky enough to find an abandoned hospital that has a power generator. So far i’ve been able to use it to charge my phone and turn some lights on at night, but i’m running low on gas. Oddly enough, for a desolate place like this i can use my phone’s wi-fi connection, which is how i found this blog. This is something too weird to wrap my head around for now. I have to depart first thing in the morning, use all the sunlight that i can, gear up as much as i can carry and continue my, so far, unsuccessful journey to find the others. I can’t be the only one, it makes no sense, nothing that happened makes no sense. I have to find the others.

I have to find…her.

This is Riverburn, signing off.

John Terp

18 Nov

I ust found this by mistake trying to do the same thing. Glad someone found a way around it.

Hi Pio and hi Eko Request i’m very happy that i can communicate again with some people.

I live in at a country house maybe somewhere between Austria and Germany but i’m not completely sure. I was 10 years old when all of it happened, my parents used to tell me there are some terrorists but mostly because that was a word i knew back than, weird enought i know, but still was something they said so i don’t ask more questions

Not sure about my age, after i was left alone i started counting winters, so more or less i should be 25 right now. I was left in a basement and i set there until everything stopped, weird thing is that it didn’t lasted long. After that i started walking a lot, finding food until one they a found this place witch was still standing even though in a bad shape, i fixed it and moved in. The people that used to live here had a huge amount of records and books, and papers. This is how i managed to kinda learn stuff about the world that used to be when i was a child. So i’m also searching for a bunch of stuff like that to make a small archive of what humanity should have being all about.

I don’t know what you quoted Pio but i also have a text in mind from the records that i have and it goes like this:

I’ve been away for so long that I’ve ended up right back home,
Amongst the family galaxy of nothing that stays the same.
I’m in the family galaxy and we only have one rule:
Keep changing every day, don’t stay the same or you’ll be a fool!
The family galaxy keeps changing no matter what you do.
We don’t know who we are, but we will always be here for you!

John Terp “Over and out”